In Search of Belonging
Whether we migrated voluntarily or forcefully; at some point, we all experience a sense of longing for the country or community we call home.
This is a very essential feeling, that is elusive and true. Some of us never found a resting place for this feeling, and we perpetually enact our home country inside of our kitchens and living rooms. A sense of “we never left” that while it brings us comfort, can create a sharp distance between us and the country we are in now.
Migrating is an experience where there is no real and true direction; but a sense of forward that we intuitively believe in. While this process unfolds, we are called to sow and find meaning in this new [foreign] country. This is a very difficult process.
Sometimes, we find shelter in meeting other migrants that may not even speak our language, but wholeheartedly can relate and validate our experience. At times, that is all we need, comfort and shared experiences. Most of the time, we find these relationships to be genuine, and safe and therefore we start building community from our shared feelings of disconnection and perplexity within the new home country. Sometimes this process occurs even with first, second, and third generation of migration experiences. The First Gen youth knows this process very well.
There are other times, when we are unable to see beyond our absences. We can only see how inadequate we feel everywhere we go. We miss our family and friends, the food, the rituals, the music, the ability to talk to anyone without having to elaborate these complex statements in a brand-new language. We just miss the ease in not having to create a new character; being able to just be ourselves.
When we, outwardly, find ourselves nowhere. There is only one place to look: inwardly.
As a migrant, we develop strategies to get you through such as: second guessing yourself, a constat state of hesitation, we google international food around me, and we look for anything that says “Se Habla Espanol” or any other language. Living in a state of doubt and uncertainty, about most decisions around us leaves us exhausted and alone. We also develop fears that makes us feel paralyzed and lost. “Did I say that correctly?”; “Do they think I’m worth it?” “Am I worth it?” “Did they understand?” “I wonder what that word/gesture means?” The questions go on eternally.
The search for belonging, is relentless and primal. We struggle to be well unless we have a sense of community, support, and belonging. This is where the mental health of migrants begins. It is difficult to decipher where to begin, when you recognize nothing around you. It becomes a very inexplicable and intricate journey, while also, acutely necessary for our wellbeing.
These are some of the reasons why it is important for the receiving culture, to acknowledge and celebrate our differences. It gives us an opportunity to bring something to the table. A seat. If we, in fact, encounter such an opportunity. We have a chance to become. This is why it is inevitable that we find a way through. We must just be willing to take the cultural leap.
Therapy is one of the elements that can help us build a sincere, and secure relationship in this [foreign] place. The therapeutic process with a neutral person, has the power of allowing us to discover who we really are, and make sense of where we are, geographically, and emotionally.
As humans, we have the need and are entitled to be seen, felt, understood, and celebrated. A vast majority of us do not receive this, from neither family, nor the community. This is why we struggle financially, physically, socially, and emotionally. To transcend our differences, we must believe in the power of healing. Healing through an authentic therapeutic relationship that can hold us and guide us amid chaos and disorientation.